Dukakis at War in Westwood
Today Apron Parking � Tomorrow the World
�Let Them Take The Bus!!!�
Michael Dukakis, the would-be leader of the Free World and Commander in Chief of the
Apron Parking is the term used when a car is parked in a driveway between the street and the sidewalk (not blocking the sidewalk for wheelchair reason). Local residents say ticketing apron parkers will take a bad parking situation even worse. Dukakis doesn�t care. The neighborhood around UCLA, the
But Dukakis says it has to end now. He finds aesthetically offensive. More specifically, according to some reports, his wife Kitty, finds it offensive.
The Dukakis Project, as it has been called, was architected by a Professor Shoup of UCLA is apparently a first step towards making driving and parking so onerous in Los Angeles that people will abandon their cars for the Public Bus system. For now, in Westwood, there is only one solution � �FLEXCARS.� None of the residents interviewed understood how this concept works, but the Dukakis/Shoup team believes that once everybody is receiving $60 tickets, they�ll figure it out pretty quickly.
Dukakis, who lectures at UCLA half the year, launched a Winter Offensive, three years ago. His first strike was devastatingly successful. He took the enemy fully by surprise, when it is believed that he contacted his ally CHIEF BRATTON of the LAPD (who worked with him in
Last year, Dukakis struck again. Now, he was rebuffed by a meter maid (see article). But he wasn�t done. Armed with The Dukakis Project and a report by Professor Shoup, he feels certain of victory. Shoup thinks he has found a loophole in the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) which finds that Apron Parking is against Federal and State Law. Unfortunately, detractors point out that
In the meantime, in the interest of promoting the Citizens with Disabilities Act senior citizens living in the neighborhood will have to climb tall hills after parking their cars in inconvenient areas. �I�ve never seen a wheelchair come up these streets� Unless it were the monster truck of wheelchairs it would never make it. Couldn�t make it through the busted up sidewalks.�
Dille muses: �Still, I can�t believe he�s afraid to debate me. I�ve never run for office, never publicly debated. He�d mop the floor with me and I know it. I just want the little guy to have a voice.�
One idea for replacing the debate would be holding a live event in which contestants tried to push wheelchairs loaded with bags of manure, labeled with Shoup and Dukakis� names on them up the hill.
Recently, the Ghost of political strategist Lee Atwater appeared and was quoted as saying: �It seems that Michael Dukakis wants to do for Westwood what he did for
(see L.A. Times Article �Dukakis Wins One In Westwood� (actually a premature title because he hasn�t won yet � that was October and he�s still fighting in June)).
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SOMETHING LIGHTER
Election Winners Declare War on Countries; Election Losers Declare War on Loose Parking Laws
From the "where are they now" department...
Michael Dukakis, the former governor of
That's the term used when a car is parked in a driveway between the street and the sidewalk. Local residents say ticketing apron parkers will take a bad parking situation even worse. The neighborhood around UCLA, the
Opponents of Dukakis' scheme to ticket apron parkers gather here...
My guess is Dille wanted a chance to re-use President Bush's line, "that last answer was about as clear as
