Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Sh*t Happens, Shoup is Caused

Sh*t Happens, Shoup is Caused
Nick Roberts

After the essay, 'A Pile of Shoup' appeared on this site, a number of people asked why the word 'shoup' had to be added to the language when we already had the word 'sh*t.'

In short, to 'shoup' (rhymes with 'poop') a problem is to create a solution that is far worse than the initial problem while causing the maximum expense and inconvenience for taxpayers and victims (not necessarily separate classes).

Also, a 'shouped up' solution to a problem leaves such chaos that more 'shouping' is required and thus the cycle is perpetuated. For example, LAX is a 'shouped-up' environment, having so many 'shoupings' that it is virtually unusable, thus creating business for Burbank and Long Beach which, themselves are in the process of being 'shouped'.

The word 'shoup' comes from Dr. Donald Shoup (rhymes with poop), Professor at UCLA, self-appointed Parking Guru and author of the, scintillating "The High Cost of Free Parking." Among other things, Shoup appears to be on a crusade to vitiate the Southern California Lifestyle for reasons best explained by a psychoanalyst and an accountant and outside the scope of this article. His most recent holy war is parking in Westwood. (For more info on his M.O., see, "'Guru cant' convince the critics at meeting" posted on this site).

The physical manifestation of his assault on the North Village of Westwood is The Dukakis Project , of course funded by tax dollars and made available in Xerox copies at a Fayek meeting (see article on site). We do not have a digital copy.

Once you strip through the misleading academic 'bullshoop' (pictures, tables, disingenuous legal arguments, etc), Shoup's vision is pretty simple: Make it so miserable for people to live in their neighborhoods that they will either have to move out (there might be a land grab in all this) or have to live the way Shoup thinks they should live.

To get the vibe here, we suspect he is also the author of Michael Dukakis' Marie Antoinette-esque Westwood Battle Cry, "Let them take the bus." (See - L.A. Times: Dukakis Wins One In Westwood.).

In order to fully illustrate potential uses of our new word, we've come up with some examples of how things could be shouped…

• As he' a professor at UCLA, let's start there.
o PROBLEM: Everybody knows that there aren't enough tickets to UCLA games, especially since they beat USC last year and what tickets are available are not affordable.
o PROBABLE SHOUP SOLUTION: Make UCLA a really bad team, therefore lowering demand for tickets. Heavily tax tickets that are sold to parents of players and those still wanting to go.
• If Shoup were to take on music piracy.
o PROBLEM: Some people are illegally downloading music.
o PROBABLE SHOUP SOLUION: Make music so bad ('shoupy') that nobody would want to download it, therefore reducing the risk of piracy. Charge a hefty 'fee' for music which is still downloaded.

• We could come up with these all day. As a matter of fact, we'll happily print any ideas you have for how to 'shoup things up' on our chaotic but amusing blogsite.

The bottom line is that it is no small wonder that 'shouping' hasn't taken off in the private sector and he's a professor at a public university where, it seems that coercion is preferable to persuasion.

All jokes aside, right now, the Los Angeles City Council is deciding whether to 'shoup on us' by making sure there are less parking spaces in an already overcrowded situation. In this case, the word 'shoup' means to make a miserable situation more miserable.

It could be argued by some that the word 'shoup' is not necessary, because we already have the word 'sh*t', but I maintain there is an important difference between the two:

S**t happens. Shoup is caused.

Time to cut this Bullshoup out before a lot of people… Seniors… Children… handicapped… vendors… friends… neighbors and other innocents are hurt and any more time or money is wasted.

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